After 15 years of doing masculine grooming (haircuts, grey-blending, waxing, facials, lengthy lectures on the importance of conditioner, etc.), I have assembled a clientele of THE MOST talented, hilarious, brilliant, and endlessly fascinating people—of ALL ages, genders, backgrounds—a gal could hope to spend her days with.

They amaze me.

They teach me.

They humble me, daily.

To be honest, I often feel like Professor X.

…But that’s probably because I AM—in fact—Patrick Stewart, doing undercover research for a role I’m playing in the upcoming feature film entitled, “Who Doth Pass Such Heinous Fetor?”, in which I play a Muppety girl-type who does comedy, cuts hair, and threatens (with alarming frequency) to immolate people who disparage her dog.

IT IS THE MOST CHALLENGING ROLE OF MY ILLUSTRIOUS CAREER.

Opening Summer of 2031, get your tickets now!